The Army-Navy game is through two quarters of play with the game tied 10-10 at the half. While the Navy are in the locker room undoubtedly grabbing ass for their performance during the half let’s review the game so far.
The intense rivalry between the Army Cadets and the Navy midshipmen dates back 122 years and 112 meetings, with the Navy leading the win-lose count 56-49-7. Many have tried and formulate plausible postulates as to how the ass grabbers have managed to come out on top (pun intended) over the more physically fit Army.
Of these postulates the most popular theory is that of comraderie. The Navy is well known for their close relationships, formed through vigorous love, er, I mean, “talks” while out on the ship. Many believe the level of man to man lovesmanship which has bred into the Navy has allowed them to come out (pun intended) the victor through their meetings with the Army.
One Navy midshipman asked his thoughts of this year’s game he said,
“Oh my God! The Army really looks good this year in their uniforms. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice. Men with big chests and big, well, manhoods, hehehe, are such a turn on.”
Another Midshipman was asked his opinion on the Navy’s lead through the all time history over the Army. He responded,
“Well, reality is the Army is out of shape. But I will say, looking at some of the “thicker” Army joes really gets my hard drive uploaded.”
After an awkward silence the interview was concluded.
The same reporter asked for opinions from the Army Cadets but was then tied to a bunk and beat with a sock containing a bar of soap. This may seem violent but in the Army this is considered initiation. The reporter felt honored, amongst other more serious feelings.
The Army Cadets have long had issues of losing their place on the field, which may have contributed to their losing record. However, they can’t be blamed. It is a stigma and curse of the Army Lieutenant to not be very well versed in their ability to navigate open spaces.
While we wait for the kickoff for the third quarter let’s hope the Midshitmen are succombed to a loss to the Army Cadidiots. While noone can accurately say why the weaker, more feeble Navy holds the winning record over Army, one long standing phrase coined by one of our founding fathers, Thomas Jefferson, remains resounding and true through the test of time:
GO ARMY BEAT NAVY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Story brought to you by Admin T, USAWTFM.
Burn in hell Squids.