A stripper named Star lied snug in the bed.
While Snuffy lay beside her dazed with regret.
Down the hall was Smith and Hill and PFC Napp,
Heading off to the clinic, all struck with the clap.
When all of the sudden there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Up to my dresser I flew like a flash,
Tore open the drawers and flushed my stash.
There was clanging and banging coming from CQ,
Then the arrival of NCOs confirmed what I knew,
‘Twas then to my wondering eyes did appear,
At my door was my PSG reeking of beer.
“Health and Welfare,” He yelled, “move out quick.”
PVT Eck from next door got caught beating his dick.
More rapid than eagles the NCOs all came,
As they screamed, and shouted, and called us by name;
“Now, FUCKTARD! now, SHITBIRD! now, BROKEDICK and HERO!
On, RAMROD! on CUMSTAIN! on, RANGER and ZERO!
Outside your room! By your door on the wall!
Now hurry up! And wait! and shut up you all!”
And then, all in sync, I heard “AT EASE”
The First Sergeant appeared and didn’t look pleased.
As I snapped to Parade rest, my eyes looked around,
I was ready for the scene which was sure to go down.
Porn mags, liquor bottles, strippers and weed,
unspent ammunition, a hooker and an LT;
Room by room the contraband was found,
When finally they finished and sent us all down.
As floor by floor the barracks were cleared,
Residents formed up while visitors stood near,
Everyone was dazed and still pretty drunk
We waited for 1SG to clear all the bunks.
Then from the barracks he came gritting his teeth,
Smoke from his ears encircled his head like a wreath;
His broad face was stern his hands on his belly,
That shook, when he walked like a bowlful of jelly.
A snap of his heels and a twist of his head,
Let us all know that we would all soon be dead.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his car,
To all of our surprise he was off in a dart,
His taillights were like razors as he raced away,
And it was then we heard as he yelled to say,
“This one is a freebie shitbirds, Merry Christmas.”