Operation Iron Fuck You Volume II

Our first story is a somber one when a field grade officer attempted to ground guide a MATV and failed to follow procedures resulting in a Soldier losing his life. The Soldier was sleeping on the ground in the vicinity of a TOC and when the field attempted to back up the vehicle a rear ground guide wasn’t used and ran over him. During talking to Soldiers from the unit, the mood is absolute shock and disbelief. Questions of where was the ground guide, how could this happen are already surfacing. I have received multiple reports from senior people that the battalion commander and S3 have already been relieved and that criminal investigation has already been commenced. All of the admins here at USAWTFM send their thoughts and prayers to the family.

I think you may need a vision test. While out trying to resupply tires, a HET incorrectly assumed they owned all of the land and got hit by a train. That’s right a fucking train. For reasons unknown to humanity, this HET stops on a railroad crossing….and just crushes the HET splitting it in two sending both parts flying into the air like a child’s plaything. Fortunately, nobody was hurt. And when asked why he allowed his truck to get hit, the driver and TC stated they didn’t see the train coming…further interviews point to a potential bigger issue as rumors swirl about lack of training and corners being cut as there was at least 3 major HET accidents with at least one HET operator being hospitalized.

I think my HQ hates me. A firestarter element tasked to support the operation was in the middle of the training area supporting operations. One night they get a call from their HQ that OC “Golf 26” requires their assistance at this grid. The unit being a bunch of hard chargers, breaks down their site and proceeds to the site…where to much of their surprise, there is nobody there. After notifying their HQ, they are given a new grid and after 3 hours of bouncing around the area, they reach the TOC where the OCs are located. The team leader gets out and asks where “Golf 26” is, only to be told that there is no such callsign. The team leader, now clearly irritated, calls the HQ back and informs them of their incorrect data. HQ tells them to stand by and 30 minutes later comes back with a new callsign. The team leader returns to the group of OCs with the new callsign only to be informed that all the OCs are present and none of them requested you and why are you even here. The team leader now engulfed with rage, calls back his HQ and tells them he has his new mission and will be off the net for the next 6 hours while he returns to his original position, ironically enough was only 30 minutes away.

Common sense winner of the exercise. Goes to 546 MP Co. Although Operation Iron Fuck You affected them just like everybody else and items went missing, the gods must have been pleased by the sacrifices as no lockdown was initiated. What do they do? That plaster missing posters all over the place, called donut time and went the fuck home.

Can you hear me now? A certain unit was told to push forward with their expensive ass satellite and go over the mountain even thought it was past the tip meter and 8 vehicle convoy already had 16 flat tires. The result you might ask? Yeah you guessed it, you TCN and STT don’t work for shit. Have fun with that FLIPL boys.

Damn, that looks like it hurt. Leader: hey go over to that stryker that has 6 flats and borrow their jack. Soldier: I don’t know how to use it. Leader: you’ll be fine works just like ours. Result? Stryker falls on Joe crushing his arm.

Damn, that looks like it hurt. Part 2. Leader: We need to get that 15k generator off. Sergeant: the crane isn’t here. Leader: it’ll be fine, we have enough bodies here. Leader: MEDIC! We got 9 line MEDEVAC, the generator fell on joe.

Fuck this shit, I’m out. As the levels of Iron Fuck You begin to raise to levels of stupidity not seen since the cold war, a lone mortar operator decides he can’t take it anymore and begins to plot how he can get out of it. So on day one of the brigade’s CALFEX, he decides the fastest way to escape the insanity is if he forgot to remove his hand as fast as he could. Sooo on the first round, he decides which finger is going to give his life for the greater good and hangs the round. The round drops, and then blasts out of the tube taking the sacrificed finger away like Slim Pickens to the impact zone. Said Soldier is MEDEVAC’d to the rear for the remainder of the exercise while doctors try to figure out what they need to fix first, his finger or his head.

You need to help humanity and take yourself out of the gene pool. So I was walking around the TAA one night when I see the medics and doc run towards one of our vehicle. Naturally I want to see what’s going on so I just wander on over to see what’s going on. It’s dark so I’m pretty sure they don’t notice me. Well when they get there, the doc sends up one of the medics to evaluate what’s going on. I can’t hear what he told the medic initially, but the medic responds with a loud “What??? Ok lemme tell the doc”. The medic jovially bounces down off the vehicle and is trying really hard not to bust out laughing. Doc asks him what is it? The medic tells him the Soldier was using a flashlight as a sex toy and got his dick stuck caught on something when he tried to pull out and now it’s stuck. The Doc just stands there for a second trying to comprehend what was just told to him. He asks the medic if he’s serious, and the medic who is now laughing responds with I can’t make this shit up Doc. I see the Doc’s shoulders sag and I actually hear him sigh as he tells the medics he needs two tongue depressors and two lubes of lubricating jelly to get it out. The medics, not missing a beat respond with “But doc, I’m pretty sure he has some already”…at this point I gotta leave because I am laughing so hard I don’t want to see me

As you can see fuckery and shenanigans ran unchecked over the last two weeks and I have seen many USR officers crying over in various corners as they have to report their fleets being decimated.

I will leave you with this thought….the brigade goes to NTC next.

This is José with WTF in the field.


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