When Piss Tests Get Weird – Fan Submission

Back in the day before the Army had us start hugging each other and was a lot more fun, we had to do a UA one morning randomly. So as usual, we all get sat in a room and drink water until we need to piss. Well, there were two platoon sergeants who weren’t available to do the piss test in the morning because they had some other prior engagements. Anyway, we all get through it before it’s time for chow and move on. I remember one of the NCO’s at that time was relieved that no one had gotten naked in front of him “this time”. Word must have carried however.

I had forgotten all about the piss test, but I was still pissing every 20 minutes for the rest of the day over it. Well its about 1500 and I go walking to the latrine to take another piss and I open the door and I see said NCO with his hand over his face in a facepalm. I’m all like “WTF?” So I walk in the bathroom all the way and what do I see? Two men, E-7 types, completely naked. Not even boots. I mean full on naked. I’m in shock just standing there with the door open and they just turn and look at me. They don’t say anything, they just look at me. I managed to get out “…i’ll come back later…” and walked away in disbelief at what I had seen. I mean I’d expect that out of Joe, but two SFC’s totally naked and one E-5 having to stand there and watch this go down was just priceless. Of course I went and told everyone what had just happened and both the E-7’s were hailed as heroes.

The E-5 who had to watch him from that day forward made things extra gay if you wanted to get naked. Trust me I tried. I went in during the next piss test and thought it would be a good idea to take my pants to my ankles. Nope. Wrong. He started massaging me on the shoulders and I tried to pull my pants up which required me to bend over, which turned even more gay even faster. I never did it again.

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