Gi-Gi the Scissor lift

Allienware 728×90

Coscom side of Fort Bragg, circa 2013. My friend and I are returning back to the barracks after a long and pointless Monday in the motorpool. As we round the last corner in the road, we see that a construction crew has set up behind our barracks. They were working on the roof.

We get to the room and start discussing the work they are doing and how much noise they are going to make as we are trying to drink away our sorrows. After a few beers, he looks at me with a wild look in his eye. He says “if they leave the equipment here over the weekend, we are going to have some fun.”

Come Friday night, we are coming home from work after stocking up on beer and whiskey for the weekend. Sure enough, the construction crew left the equipment behind for the weekend. We decide to wait until it gets dark, then see what kind of fun we can have.

After enough liquid courage we head outside. Our first point of interest was a JLG scissor lift which we had nicknamed “Gi-Gi”. As we stumble toward the lift, we realize the keys are in it. This is like a gift from God, we can’t possibly pass this up. We climb aboard and start it up. In my state of intoxication it takes me a few minutes to figure out the controls.

Eventually I get the hang of it and we start driving around the company area. We then figure out the lift function of the scissor lift. We lift ourselves probably around 40 feet in the air and start cracking a few more beers from our new vantage point, feeling like kings as we look down upon the other barracks residents that have now heard the commotion and come outside.

We had a decent amount of people watching us, both cheering us on and calling us idiots. Another one of our friends saw us, at eye level, from his 3rd story room, and came outside to talk to us. We lowered ourselves so he could climb aboard and then returned to our spot in the air. While we were just minding our own business and drinking, some of our crowd started throwing objects at us.

Thats when one of the guys grabs a box of nails and throws the entire box at the crowd, making them flee. About this time we hear some voices yelling and we realize our friendly staff duty NCO is coming straight for us, yelling “I’ve called the MP’S and 1SG.” We quickly hurry down and attempt to mix ourselves in with the crowd.

Not a minute later, our 1SG shows up. He is not exactly in a good mood. Luckily, one of our female friends took immediate action. Knowing that our 1SG was a dirt bag, she unbuttons her shirt a little and starts flirting with him while we make our get away. She was the real mvp that night. We returned to our rooms and drank amongst friends, thinking about how badass we were for the rest of the weekend.

And that is the story of Gi-Gi the scissor lift.

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