Seeing Jesus

This story involves two drill sergeants that I will refer to as Drill Sergeant Parks and Drill Sergeant Blair. Fortunately, there is only one time I can recall ever flagging someone in my military career. Unfortunately, that one time happened to have a drill sergeant on the receiving end of it.

If memory serves, I had my back turned to Drill Sergeant Parks when he asked me a question. I quickly spun around to answer him, but unfortunately when I turned around I didn’t maintain my muzzle awareness. Basically, I allowed the momentum of my turn to raise the barrel of my rifle towards Drill Sergeant Parks. Even though the barrel didn’t come up high enough to be pointed at his chest, it was still high enough that if the weapon had been loaded and fired; I could have shot Drill Sergeant Parks in the abdomen or something like that. Drill Sergeant Parks without missing a beat immediately started ripping into me about muzzle control and how I needed to maintain the low ready position. That’s when Drill Sergeant Park’s ass chewing took a more imaginative turn.

He said, “You know what Private*? Here’s what we will do.” Drill Sergeant Parks then laid down on the ground and pretended he was dead. He then told me, “Here Private, you just shot me. I have now died Private. How does that feel?”

Before I even had a chance to answer, Drill Sergeant Blair came running over. Keeping in step with Drill Sergeant Park’s devilish game, he asks me,“Private! Why the fuck did you shoot Drill Sergeant Parks?!?” “Well,” he continued, “seeing as Drill Sergeant Parks is dead and is unable to smoke you; it looks likes I will have to do it for him!”

Drill Sergeant Blair then proceeds to smoke me by having me do push ups, sit ups, flutter kicks, mountain climbers, etc. After five or so minutes of this, I start to exhaust. In my strain to keep up with Drill Sergeant Blair’s demands I let out an “Ah, Jesus!”

Drill Sergeant Parks, who is still supposed to be playing “Dead” mind you, lifts his head, looks at me and says “That’s right Private, I’m seeing Jesus right now, is there anything you would like me to fucking tell him?!?”

*WTF Admin edit to protect the somewhat innocent